The Weight of the Waiting List!

Have you ever felt like you’re standing in a long, never-ending line, watching the clock tick while your child needs help right now? Waiting lists for mental health support and SEN services can feel just like that—a line that doesn’t move, while you’re left carrying the heavy weight of worry and responsibility. If you’ve been there, you’re not alone.

For many parents, this waiting game can be one of the most isolating and stressful experiences. You’re doing everything you can to support your child, but without the right help, it can feel like swimming against a current. And while you wait, life doesn’t stop; the meltdowns, the sleepless nights, the worry—it all keeps going. Let’s talk about what’s really happening and how you can lighten the load, even as you wait.

The Reality of Waiting Lists: Right now, thousands of parents across the UK are stuck in the same frustrating cycle. Did you know that it can take up to 18 months—sometimes longer—to access support for children through CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)? That’s a year and a half of waiting while behaviours escalate, school struggles mount, and your family feels the strain. And it’s not just CAMHS. SEN support assessments, therapy services, and specialist interventions are also caught in this bottleneck.

I remember vividly the weeks of waiting for someone to listen when I was seeking help for my child. Each day felt like an eternity. I’d call, email, and follow up, always trying to stay polite, but inside, I was screaming for someone to take us seriously. It felt like I was running a marathon with no finish line in sight. That experience taught me not just the importance of persistence, but also the emotional toll it takes on parents like us.

It’s easy to feel like the system is failing—because in many ways, it is. But knowing you’re not alone is the first step. It’s not about being a “perfect parent” or having all the answers; it’s about finding ways to cope while you wait for the help you deserve.

The Emotional Toll: The waiting isn’t just about time; it’s about what it does to your heart and mind. Waiting lists can leave you feeling helpless, like you’re not doing enough for your child, even when you’re giving everything you’ve got. You might second-guess yourself, wondering if you’ve said the right things, filled out the forms correctly, or pushed hard enough to be heard.

I’ve worked with parents who describe feeling like they’re invisible—pushing so hard for their child’s needs but feeling like their voices are lost in the system. It’s not just frustration; it’s heartbreak. But I’ve also seen how those same parents transform when they realise the strength they’ve had all along.

It can also affect your relationships. Tensions can run high with partners, siblings, or friends who may not fully understand the challenges you’re facing. The weight you’re carrying might feel invisible to others, but it’s very real to you.

Steps to Lighten the Load: While you’re waiting, there are steps you can take that are practical, empowering, and rooted in connection:

1. Take the Lead in Advocacy: Think of yourself as your child’s guide through an unfamiliar landscape. Keep a journal of every call, email, or meeting—not just as a record, but as a map for what’s next. Each action builds momentum, showing professionals that you’re engaged and persistent.

2. Create a Calm Toolkit: Build a “first-aid kit” for stress. For your child, it might include a sensory toy, a favourite story, or a simple breathing exercise. For you, it might be a five-minute playlist, a grounding technique, or a few kind words you tell yourself in hard moments.

3. Learn the Power of Emotional Labels: Naming feelings helps you and your child understand and manage them. A moment of, “You’re feeling really frustrated—I can see that,” opens the door to connection. It’s not about solving the problem but showing you’re there.

4. Find Strength in Numbers: Connect with other parents who’ve been in your shoes. Sharing experiences doesn’t just lighten the load—it reminds you that you’re not alone. Online groups or local meetups can become a lifeline.

5. Build Knowledge Strategically: Think of this time as preparation. Watch webinars, read articles, or explore books that deepen your understanding of your child’s needs. Knowledge can be a source of calm and readiness when professional support becomes available.

6. Focus on Micro Moments of Self-Care: Self-care doesn’t need to be grand. It’s the cup of tea you drink mindfully, the deep breath before you re-enter a room, or the stretch before bed. These small acts recharge your resilience for the road ahead.

The waiting list is heavy, but you don’t have to carry it all on your own. Each small step you take lightens the load and brings you closer to support. You’re not failing; you’re navigating one of the toughest challenges with strength and love.